“Holy shit!” Jay blurted out. It came involuntarily, like an unwelcome bodily function; part words, part laughter, part vomit… Just a little bit of vomit, which he swallowed back down.
Ripping off his headphones, Jay swung around his leather office chair. He cried out again. Louder this time. “Holy fucking shit, Tess, come. You have GOT to see this.”
Pivoting back to the screen, his eyes boggled. He rubbed them in disbelief, but it was true. It was real.
“What do you want?” Tess’ voice croaked down the hall. “I’m sleeping”
“Babe, no frikken joke. You HAVE to see this.”
Tess groaned. The bed frame creaked and bare feet pattered down the hallway. Tess appeared; bed head, pajama pants, tank top, bleary eyed.
“What is it? “she mumbled.
“You, you’re not going to believe it! Look here.” Jay motioned toward the screen. “Aghh, god, internets you have delivered… in the most… disturbing… and yet wonderful way.”
Tess moved to peer over Jay’s shoulder. He had paused the video. At first glance, the frozen frame seemed to depict some kind of giant leather bag, or perhaps oversized Cheeto, crushing one, or maybe even two naked girls.
Tess tilted her head to the side and squinted. At this angle, the baggy Cheeto showed some form…
“Wait, Jay, are you watching mature porn?”
Jay, laughed, gargling excitedly. “Umm, no… well, yes… kind of. It’s just that this is not your average, run of the mill, mature porn.” Jay ripped his headphone jack from the tower, wiggled his mouse and hit play. “This is mature, fucked up porn, that might just save the world.”
The audio kicked in; the Cheeto gyrated, jiggling up and down on a pretty young blonde. “Oh, oh, oh, tell me who’s your daddy,” it demanded.
“You’re my daddy, daddy,” the girl squealed.
Jay burst out laughing. “He literally is her daddy.”
“Slap me with those big hands of yours, daddy.” The girl moaned.
“Oh, Jesus christ,” Tess exclaimed. “I Don…” Tess wretched loudly. “I’ve seen some shit in my life, but this, this trumps it all…Turn it the fuck off.”
Clutching her belly, Tess rushed from the room. Jay, heard the contents of her belly splash into the toilet.
It was the video the world had waited to see, and now, could not be un-seen.
“Champagne and caviar tonight, babe,” Jay called down the hall. “This is going to be big!”